Interview with Ita Buttrose: Etiquette and High Tea

Photo Credit: New Idea

High Tea Society spoke with Australian journalist and businesswoman Ita Buttrose, on the eve of the launch of her book “A Guide to Australian Etiquette”. We talked about table manners, social media and high tea.

Ita’s five tips for table manners:

- Never start eating until everyone has been served unless your host tells you not to wait. At a formal dinner party, wait until the host or guest-of-honour picks up their knife and fork before beginning to eat.
- Put your napkin on your lap.
- Don’t pig out on the bread and leave only crumbs. If the bread basket is in front of you, take one piece and then pass the basket to the person on your right.
- Chew your food with your mouth closed. Don’t wave your knife and fork around to make a point.
- Don’t eat with your fingers unless you’ve been served finger food.  If in doubt follow your host’s lead.

The Ritz, :'London'

Ita’s five tips on using social media:

- Always take time to stop and think before you post something on Facebook, MySpace, YouTube or other internet social networking sites. Do you really want people to know such things about you?
- Never post anything or send an email in anger, otherwise you might regret it later. The same advice applies if you’ve had a few drinks.
- Don’t include personal attacks on other people in messages because they could come back to haunt you. That’s especially true about emails because they can be recovered and provide a record that could be interpreted wrongly, Emails are often used as evidence in court cases.
- Don’t forward emails without the sender’s permission either.
- And don’t feel compelled to always have the last word. Some email messages do not need responses.

Thank you to High Tea Society for this article

Tip from "Racing Fashion", The Trend right now is to have 'Hats (for sale and incorporate) High Tea' and incorporate the selling of hats with High Tea.

Ladies, please watch the price of your 'High Tea' as what may cost the organiser something like $35 per head, you may be charged an extra $50 per head just to take a seat.  In most cases, some may claim it is in the name of charity, but you are lining the pockets of the orgainser.   When a charity is involved ask what part of the money is going to charity, ie: ticket sales.

In most cases it is only the raffle sales and still you have to be sure the charity is affiliated as an official charity.

Allot of the models do the modelling free and tell allot of people are getting great exposure to sing or sell something.  It is beginning to be a bit of a sham in my point of view and when I accept an invite to a 'High Tea' in the name of charity, I make sure where my money is going first.

My favourite thing is to not cost people to much and help.  My last visit to Grafton (Grafton Cup) when I was so kindly invited by Candy Lane Store, we organised the 100 club where we could have less than 100 people and Charge $35 per head for a cocktail evening with heaps of food.  $10 of the ticket went straight into the pockets of the charity.  A women's homeless shelter in the area.  We had raffles a good night, talking fashion and also talking mindfulness about how we can help in the community to give people a hand and how easy it may be to become homeless without the right support from the community.  There were hats for sale, but it was more an education in showing ladies how to have confidence in a hat.  Having a group under 100, I can meet and greet every person that has taken time to spend with myself and others.  I don't like the forum of speakers, it is much to non personal.   I am always happy on my interstate country journeys to have meetings with local ladies in the name of charity and learn from them as they may learn from me.

Remember don't take a piece of the pie, make sure there is enough for all to eat.

24 Rules For Being A Gentleman In 2014

The Age of the Gentleman — that semi-imaginary time we all have in our heads where men you actually wanted to sleep with wore fedoras and treated ladies like ladies — might be over, but there’s no reason it can’t come back next year. We just need to set up a few ground rules for being a modern Cary Grant/Paul Newman/Ken Cosgrove. We’ll all be drinking scotch and wearing linen suits again in no time.

1. Have a signature drink that you both can make at home after a long day’s work, and order with effortless swag at any bar you happen to be in. (This means no complicated ingredients and easy substitutes. If it’s a whiskey soda, so be it.)

2. Keep all social media activities to a minimum, because no gentleman engages in things like Twitter fights or passive-aggressive Facebook statuses. It’s just not classy.

3. Hold doors open for everyone, because that’s just a nice thing that you do.

4. Always text back promptly, even if it’s to let someone down gently. The worst thing you can possibly to do someone is leave them hanging so they can torture themselves with worst case scenarios.

5. Own and be able to sufficiently rock at least one suit. Suits are the greatest untapped resource that most men have access to, and can take even the most slovenly 4Chan dweller into slick presentability. You owe it to yourself to know your way around a suit.

6. Master a good handshake, so that you are neither depositing your limp sea slug of a hand on someone else’s palm, nor crushing them with your Rock-Biter-from-the-Neverending-Story force.

7. Never attempt to explain, under any circumstances, why a cat call should be considered a compliment.

8. Do not be afraid of accessorizing, because a pair of nice shoes or a classy watch can Upgrade U almost immediately, as explained in the Beyoncé song.

9. Do not refer to things as “gay” that aren’t homosexual human beings. People who call things “gay” as a pejorative are truly the raisins in the trail mix of life.

10. Do your best not to put others down in order to elevate yourself, it reeks of the people who categorize men by their Greek letter status.

11. Call your mother, even if you have to set up a Google calendar reminder to get yourself to do this.

12. Know how to cook at least a few good meals, because a) there is nothing worse than guys who assume it’s up to the woman to do all the cooking, b) there is nothing sexier than a dude who can cook, and c) everyone deserves to feed themselves well.

13. Make good eye contact, but not so much that it gets into “I’ve been watching you from behind your dumpster” levels.

14. Don’t corner people at house parties with your political views (and this goes double — nay, triple — for libertarians, as you guys are the most egregious culprits).

15. Erase the word “slut” from your vocabulary.

16. Treat every woman with the same amount of respect and humanity that you would your mother, sister, or daughter — and think about why there might have been conditions on how you treated them in the first place.

17. RSVP.

18. Always put a little money away at the end of each month, and not because you’re saving for anything in particular.

19. Be up-front about your finances, because it’s unfair for anyone to believe in the outdated gender roles of “the man should pay for everything.” As long as you’re working hard and trying your best, you deserve to be honest.

20. Do not sleep with anyone who wants a relationship from you that you are not prepared to give. Using their affection to get something from them physically is easy, but it makes you a bad person.

21. Learn how to dance, at least a bit.

22. Never underestimate the great value of unexpected flowers on a day that is otherwise nothing special, especially in long-term relationships.

23. Don’t be afraid of selfies, guys have just as much a right to look and feel good about themselves as anyone else. If you want a selfie, take a selfie! Just don’t be a dick about other people who like to do it, too.

24. Be compassionate, and know that you are allowed to experience the full range of human emotion. Where the gentleman of our grandparents’ generation might have prided himself on keeping all of his feelings in check for fear of seeming ‘feminine,’ a real gentleman knows that the best thing about him is his ability to be kind and empathetic. Everything else — yes, even the suit — is just icing on the cake. TC mark

 

Victorian Social Rules for Gentlemen | Manners & Etiquette By Meredith Sweetpea

During the American Civil War era, and in Victorian times, gentlemen were held to a certain standard of social behavior.

In fact, they were judged by their social graces, which would indicate whether this man was indeed a gentleman.

Fathers watched behavior, looking for suitable mates for their marriageable daughters. And girls particularly took notice of social standards when entertaining a gentleman’s intentions.

Here are some of those standards…most of which should still apply today.

Social Rules for Gentlemen

Social rules for a gentleman’s clothing

  • Remove your hat when entering a building.
  • Always wear gloves in the street, in church, and at other formal occasions, except when eating or drinking. White or cream-colored gloves were worn in the evening, gray or other dark-colored gloves were worn during the day.
  • Lift your hat to a lady when she greets you in public.
  • Between gentlemen, a small nod of the head, a gesture of the hand, or a mere touching of the hat is a sufficient acknowledgement. To a casual acquaintance a bow may be offered without speaking, but with those with whom you are better acquainted, more cordiality is expected. A bow should always be returned, even to an enemy.

Victorian social etiquette for gentlemen in the presence of ladies:

  • Stand when a lady enters a room.
  • Stand when a lady stands.
  • Offer a lady your seat if no other seat is available.
  • Assist the lady with her chair when she sits or stands. Especially at a table.
  • Retrieve dropped items for a lady.
  • Open doors for a lady.
  • Help a lady with her coat, cloak or shawl.
  • Offer to bring a lady refreshments if they are available.
  • Offer your arm to escort a lady (with whom you are acquainted) into or out of a building or a room at all social events, and whenever walking on uneven ground.

Basic social rules of things a gentleman should never do:

  • Never refer to another person by their first name in public.
  • Never curse or discuss “impolite” subjects when ladies are present.
  • Never leave a lady you know unattended, except with permission.
  • Never use tobacco in any form when ladies are present.
  • Never greet a lady in public unless she acknowledges you first.
  • Never eat or drink while wearing gloves.

Cyber Bullying

Please make the decision to make social media a positive energy for everyone, here is a link to a short film made by 14 year old but it does effect adults as well.  If you are being cyber bullied, please contact your local police with printed evidence of threats.  If this becomes a problem contact lifeline,  http://www.lifeline.org.au/find-help/online-services/crisis-chat?gclid=CIHU6YvAzqwCFYVKpgodhhYoAg or beyond blue http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx? in Australia. x

Watch Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M5GAoBYhzU&feature=related

Women In Racing Inc (Charity)

No one knows etiquette and manners like Women in Racing Inc, (Racing Welfare)

Women in Racing Inc

Australia

(Racing Welfare)

PO Box 2179 (BC)

Southport 4215

VIP speakers at all events.

Notice to all members of smaller events

throughout the year - notified by e-mail.

Overseas Stud and Racing tours.

Membership $25* all functions and annual

membership fees will incur a 1.5% charge

for Mastercard & Visa.

Men welcome at all functions.

Jennifer Bartels

(07) 5554 5015 / 0438 741 242

Baslyn Beel

(07) 5531 1272 / 0411 698 484

 

We have compiled a half yearly social calendar and

hopefully see both yourself and of course your guests at some of

these functions.  We have decided to move several of our venues

for functions to give variety, value and again continuity to our

club.  Throughout the coming year there will be occasions where

we shall have impromptu events that are not required to be either

formal or expensive. With this in mind we need your e-mail

addresses to contact you.

We are requiring feedback as to your preferences however we are

a Club committed to the main drawcards that are both enjoyable

but prestigious.  The enclosed list is indicative of our standard,

however from time to time you will be receiving information on

smaller events that the club does not have to commit financially

with deposits, etc.

Regarding financials, a decision was made at the last  Annual

General Meeting that regrettably we must include a 1and a half

percent fee for all bookings with Mastercard and Visa credit cards.

This was the result of excessive merchant bank fees placed upon

us by our bank.  From  2012 we are having the inaugural Award,

THE MAUREEN OLSEN MEMORIAL STRAPPERS AWARD

Maureen was number 11 on our membership list and this award

will hopefully inspire strappers to take that extra effort with the

appearance of the horses they manage. 2 financial Women In

Racing Inc Australia members will be invited to attend the 3rd

race day of the month to be held at the Gold Coast Turf Club.

December’s race meeting will be the 1st Saturday.  Their duties

will be to represent our club as well as have an understanding of

the requirements of the role of the strapper.  The Gold Coast Turf

Club Directors are most encouraging of our proposal. The Annual

winner will be announced at a Women In Racing Inc/ GCTC

combined small Christmas Cocktail Party in the Director’s Lounge,

early December 2012.

3 reminders.

•  E-Mail addresses please

•  Donation of raffle prizes would be greatly appreciated

•  1.5% surcharge on all bookings with Mastercard/Visa credit cards

GET UP, GET DRESSED, GO RACING GIRLS AND GUYS!

Directors  Baslyn Beel     Jennifer Bartels

All Memberships due January 1, 2012
Membership $25* all functions and annual
membership fees will incur a 1.5% charge
for Mastercard & Visa.
*(Please note, Women in Racing Inc (Charity) and Women in Racing Magazine are two separate entities)

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